Parallel
by Veymorak
Summary: Dramatic Storytelling is an art - and nature is awful at that. A handful of universes out of millions got it right. Now take a look at the ones that didn't go so smoothly...


**Not So Smooth**

 _Dramatic Storytelling is an art - and nature is awful at that. A handful of universes out of millions got it right. Now take a look at the ones that didn't go so smoothly..._

 **U#D34TH**

"Is he alright...?" Lissa wondered, poking at the unmoving humanoid shape sprawled out across the flattened grass of the field.

Meanwhile, Chrom - against Frederick's pleading - was crouched down beside the head of the hooded figure. The Prince was lightly tapping on the robed enigma's shoulder with a finger, but to no avail.

"... I don't think so, Lissa." He eventually replied somberly, shaking his head. "I... I think he's gone."

Lissa's eyes widened at the proclamation, while Frederick begged his liege to move away from the corpse, lest it be carrying worms.

 **I**

 **U#** **B** **71ND**

The hooded man climbed to his feet slowly, a half-gloved hand clamped firmly to the top of his head. Chrom was reluctant to admit that the mysterious figure painted a rather comedic image, what with his staggering about like a drunk.

Before he could move to provide assistance, the man suddenly swerved sharply to the left and gave a cough before shaking his head.

Slowly, his head turned to the side, and it wasn't long before the man's shadowed face was twisted towards the beloved princess of Ylisse herself, Lissa.

"W-why's he looking at _me?"_ She demanded finally as the same realization dawned on her as well. "Hello?"

"...!"

Chrom gave a worried look from his sister to the robed stranger that they had found on the street, straining to hear what the latter was saying.

" _Chrom..."_ The man rasped again, his voice strained as he seemed to struggle to remain standing. However, his concealed gaze appeared to remain locked on Lissa.

"Chr...om...?" She wondered, her eyes squinting as if to see what lay under the hood. "Maybe you should lift the hood... I'm not-"

" _Chrom!"_ The man lurched forwards, clearly disoriented as his hands closed on the girl's shoulders. "I've found you!"

There was a quiet moment that passed over the four, with even Frederick seemingly too stunned to move.

"... You really should lift your hood. I don't think you can see all that well..."

 **I**

 **U#** **M4RK_MY_W0RD5**

Chrom would have jammed his hands into his pockets as he walked, had he any at the time. Instead, he simply strolled onwards down the path, unwisely well ahead of the group as he pondered life's mysteries.

He was never quite a thinking man were he to be truthful. Those that charged into battle with their wits instead of their weapons often didn't last long in his line of work, but he was one of the few exceptions to the rule.

All the same, this seemed to be a fatal flaw when it came to perhaps his number one duty as the Prince of Ylisse; leading the Shepherds. They managed to get by, of course, but rare was it an occasion where someone didn't get hurt badly in larger battles. He just... wasn't a great strategist. Never was good at chess...

In fact, he had honestly been meaning to hire a tactic-

"- _IAN!"_ He shouted in surprise as his boot caught on something carelessly draped across the dry dirt path. His arms literally pinwheeled as he fought against the pull of gravity with aerodynamics, but predictably to no avail.

There was a sickening crack as he slammed into the ground, blood spurting from his shattered nose and mixing with the dust below.

Glancing over his shoulder through his own daze, he found himself staring at an unmoving shape clad in dark robes. Had that been what he tripped on...?

"Milord!" Frederick shouted as his horse gracefully leapt over the figure. "You almost died!"

"... I think that's an exaggeration, Frederick," He coughed. "I'll be damned if some random man on the side of the road kills me."

"But he was in the center of the road..."

I

 **U#** **7** **3WD**

Slowly, he picked his face out of the trampled grass of the field, carefully as to not further enrage his already throbbing head.

It was unusually cold - the breeze tickling his nethereigons and sending shivers down his back.

He frowned as he staggered to his feet.

It took but a single look downwards to confirm the source of the chill.

"Yup,"

He stretched, the satisfying pop of his back meeting the echo of his words.

"I'm naked." He assessed calmly, finding only a discarded Thunder tome to shield his dangly bits. "Why am I naked?"

 **I**

 **U#CR0550V3R**

Chrom reached down, offering a hand to the red-hooded man. "There are better places to sleep than on the ground, you know." He quipped.

The young man below gave a groan, accepting the gesture and allowing the Prince to pull him to his feet. "Who...?"

"My name is Chrom. Are you alright?"

The other man was clad in a curious garb, with a foreign red vest donned over a thick black shirt of some kind. His leggings were no less strange; a short pair of trousers adorned with a pattern he had never seen before.

Finally, the man's shoes...

Chrom grimaced. Those weren't shoes. Those were travesties with laces.

"I think so..." The man replied in a foreign accent he found to be rather pleasing, pulling down the cowl of his vest to reveal a head of blonde hair and two startling blue eyes. "Just a bit drowsy..."

"Drowsy?" Chrom wondered, unsure if it was such an unusual condition after just waking up.

"Yeah. I'm really feeling it." He groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"... Something is wrong here." Frederick deadpanned.

"Yes," Chrom agreed, holding out a hand as droplets of rain spattered down on the four. "The weather changed suddenly. Miriel would love to study this..."

"Can't have a Rainbow without Reyn, baby!"

 **I**

 **U#N0** **_** **51TU4T10N**

"What a lovely day!" Lissa cheered as she skipped down the path. Frederick remained expressionless at the proclamation, while Chrom shook his head and grinned.

"It _is_ nice, isn't it? Hey - let's go this way today!"

And so they went, heedless of the unconscious amnesiac in the fields down their usual patrol route.

 **I**

 **U#C4T5 &D0G5?**

Frederick somehow kept his serious expression as he held up the Fire Emblem, protecting both him and his charges from the adorable downpour as they made their way down the path.

"It's raining cats and dogs." Chrom observed, his voice free of emotion as a Golden Retriever bounced off of the legendary relic and dashed out of sight.

Meanwhile, Lissa was staring uncomprehendingly at the small tabby kitten that had landed in her arms; a mane of silver fur on its head and mixes of purple and gold running down its otherwise black coat.

"What?"

 **I**

 **I don't even know anymore. I** **made this a good while ago, so you likely will notice a difference in my flowing like water writing style, but these are basically bloopers.**

 **I debated on making chapters based on intervals of time, but ultimately decided that would be time consuming and stuff.**

 **So I'll just write ANs. Hear my voice** **,** **Feline of the Fell Dragon, for it is Reynin** **g cats and dogs!**

 **Hehehe.**

 **Apocalypse Now!**

 **U#** **N0_P74N**

"Chrom!"

"Lissa!" The Prince screamed, roughly shoving an undead soldier aside as he made a beeline for the cornered Princess.

"Stupid... movement speed...!" Robin huffed as he too dashed towards the girl. He wished he had stayed in bed...

Abruptly, he cocked his head.

Was that screaming he heard?

Suddenly, a blinding white pain and a crack was all he felt before he was sent tumbling; a tangle of limbs that scared even the nearby monsters away as it rolled across the field, feminine shouts and masculine groans alike (I won't delve into who made which) left in their wake.

Slowly, the two-man ball rolled to a stop, a distance away from enemies and allies alike.

"Ugh..." The intruder groaned as she detangled herself from the tactician, rolling onto her back with a ragged breath. "I... _I almost DIED!"_

Robin, meanwhile, remained in a daze as he sat up from where he had landed. His hair was disheveled, and his vision was comically obscured by an upside down butterfly mask that had evidently taken a liking to his face.

"..." The blue haired woman seemed to be processing the sight, before her own hands shot to cover her face. " _No!_ My mask!"

"I've found myself blinded!" Robin slurred, clearly not in the right mind after breaking the woman's several dozen foot fall. "Show thyself!"

 **I**

 **U#G0G0,GR4V1TY!**

Chrom watched as the monsters dropped from the darkened, tainted sky, each slamming into the ground with the sickening crack of snapping bones.

One by one, the beasts disintegrated into a gloomy mist of purple and black, until finally the field was silent once more.

"... Pretty..." Chrom murmured to himself, shrugging and turning to go back to camp.

 **O**

 _"_ _Damnation_ _!"_ Grima screamed, slamming a claw down on the arm of his chair, causing the silver, black, purple and gold cat that rested in his lap to leap out and on to the ground.

 _"I'll get you next time,"_ He waved at the magic rectangle of mist that showed the oblivious prince with a clawed fist. " _Exalt Chrom!"_

 **I**

 **U#7UN4!**

"There's too many of them!" Lissa warned as she retreated behind Chrom. "What do we do?!"

Robin huffed as he flexed his casting hand, stretching the fingers while his mind continued to work. The new threat was already overwhelming them. Mentally, he cursed the phrase Lunatic with all his might.

"This isn't good." He agreed, stalling.

"I don't have enough boots for this many asses!" Sully cursed, gesturing to her bare feet. Robin wasn't sure what had happened there, but he knew he didn't want to know.

 **"** _ **LUNA!"**_

At the cry, the front line of beasts disintegrated into glowing blue ashes as a wave of azure flames washed over the battlefield.

"Wha-?!" Robin fell backwards as the heat slapped him in the face.

 _ **"LUNA!"**_

Another explosion rocked the earth, and finally a figure clad in silver armor stepped through the cerulean hellscape, eyes literally blazing as he hoisted a half melted lance into the air.

It was Frederick.

Cheers erupted from the group as the knight moved to check on Chrom, while Robin merely fell to the ground, face twisted into a mask of agony.

"Why?! How are they going to get stronger Fred- _dick_?! _Why?!"_

 **I**

 **I** **never got around to publishing this. Really? I'm just stalling for time with this. I'm almost done the next chapter of Again Again.**

 **On a more positive note, Inspector Gadget was the shit.**

 **I'll publish this I guess, label it as parody, pretend someone is laughing at these cheap shenanigans.**

 **I**

 **U#705T &F0UND**

"Damnit!" Chrom hissed to himself, causing Robin to shoot him a confused glance as he zapped another Risen soldier. "Unbelievably believable."

"What's wrong?" The newly appointed tactician asked the prince as they found themselves back to back once again.

"Vaike lost his axe. Again." Chrom sighed as he cut down an approaching soldier, causing Robin to frown at his peculiar choice of wording. "It's going to take some work to find it."

"You mean this isn't the first time he's charged into battle and lost his weapon...?" The snow-haired man asked, an almost critical thread laced in his tone, though it was eclipsed by the obvious disbelief. "What is _wrong_ with this army?"

"Vaike is a… _unique_ case," Chrom said carefully. "Very _unique._ "

"Okay, fine," Robin muttered, shaking his head. "We need him back in the fight as soon as possible. I'll keep my eyes open for his-"

Suddenly, he was cut off as a scream tore past his lips and he dropped to the ground, a string of curses twirling and twisting in his wake on the way down as Chrom spun to face him.

"Robin?!" His breath hitched, and then he realized what had happened. "... Ah. You found Vaike's axe! We'll make a Shepherd out of you yet!"

" _Make me new toes, you psychopath!"_

 **I**

 **U#R4B1D**

"It looks like a wounded Pegasus." Chrom observed, his arms out to either side as to prevent the others from moving forwards. "Be careful. They can be… _deadly…"_

"It's just a horse with wings, Chrom," Sully laughed out loud, pushing the man's arm down and stepping towards the bloodied beast.

Almost instantly, the Pegasus let out a blood-curling cry as it reared up at her, hooves flailing and causing the woman to go stumbling back into the group as she angrily screamed bloody murder. Even the normally unshakable Kellam, for all appearances did him, was wide eyed as the winged stallion completely ignored him.

"Shite to that," Sully spat finally, brushing herself off.

"Let me try!" Sumia raised her hand from beside the unseen Kellam, though her voice wavered slightly at the death-glare shot her way by the raging mount. All the same, she gently pushed past Chrom despite his protests. "I think I can do it…"

"Sumia, get back!" Chrom shouted, reaching after her with a worrisome expression. "That beast is _crazed_!"

"Easy there, girl…" Sumia said, ignoring the prince for the first time in her life as she raised her hands in a non-threatening gesture. "I'm not going to hurt you…"

The horse sassily huffed in annoyance as the rider's hand neared his muzzle, shiny black, rat-like eyes and frothing mouth evidently not things that worried the woman who claimed to know animals.

" _Sumia!"_ Chrom hissed again, almost desperately as his hand found rest on the grip of his Falchion.

"There there," Sumia continued to coo, her fingertips brushing against his muzzle and almost going up his nose. "No one is going to hurt you… Nu-uh..."

Suddenly, the meadow was swept with an ear-popping gust as a deafening screech shredded the serene atmosphere with ease, and Sumia was just barely dragged backwards by Chrom and Stahl before the rabid Pegasus took flight, wings flapping majestically as he lifted into the air and flew off with a snorted _"Oh hell no!"_

There was a suffocating silence that pervaded the group afterwards, only kept from becoming absolute by the sounds of nature and the distant neighs of the ever-fleeting stallion.

"... I think it was a boy," Robin finally offered, looking from the stricken Pegasus rider to where the mad beast had once laid.

"I-" She stuttered in return, heedless of the new sounds of Risen screaming as they were trampled underfoot by a rabid, vengance-possessed spawn of hell. "I-I'll get the next one!"

 **I**

 **U#M000**

"Chrom…"

"I know," Chrom said, squinting at the absolute anomaly that was before them.

"Chrom, that's…"

"I know," The prince repeated, rubbing his eyes as though to dispel the illusion that had overtaken his vision.

"Chrom, that's a _cow_." Robin finally managed, wiping his face as he watched Sumia tend to the wounded farm animal that laid in the middle of the road. A single arrow protruded from the beast's side and several plates of armor were strapped onto its shoulders and head, as if it had been ridden into combat by a true madman. " _That_ is a _cow_. It has _udders.._."

"I cannot explain it to you, if that's what you want from me." Chrom snapped, tearing his gaze away from the animal and looking at his tactician with an empty stare. "These are not common war-mounts in Ylisse."

"Then _why-"_

" _I don't know!"_ Chrom exclaimed tearing at his hair with a stressed look on his face. "I reallydon't!"

But Robin was no longer looking at the prince, his eyes instead turned towards Sumia and the… cow. " _Hey!_ "

Sumia looked up, a look of surprise masking her face as though her life was flashing right before her eyes. Personally, she found that Robin's tactician voice was rather terrifying. "Y-Yes sir?"

"Bring that thing with you!" He ordered, pointing a finger at the cow, "I think we can use it."

"Wait," Chrom hissed, snapping out of his done-induced daze and clawing at Robin's shoulder. "Are you _kidding me?!"_

"I am dead serious," Robin replied simply, turning and strolling off down the path without another word. "Onward!"

Before Chrom could give chase, he felt a firm pull on his cape and a chill run down his spine.

"Wow!" Sumia giggled, stroking the cow's head proudly as she muched on Chrom's favorite cape like it was grass, devouring it the way a paper shredder devours documents. "Bessie likes you, Chrom!"

"Wonderful." He sighed, unbuttoning his cape and allowing it to be claimed by the darkness.

 **I**

 **I regret nothing.**

 **I**

 **U#S4M3_D1FF3R3NC3**

"Are you blind?" Frederick demanded, quite obviously miffed by the treatment that his liege was receiving. "This is Prince Chrom himself - heir of House Ylisse and bearer of the Falchion!"

"Don't listen to him!" The young pig-tailed girl that had introduced herself as Cynthia cried, pointing at Chrom with an accusatory finger. "That's not Chrom - that's an imposter! _This-"_ She gestured to brown-haired man that accompanied her, his aura reeking of general shadiness as he threw and caught a dangerously sharp knife idly. " _-_ is the real Prince Chrom!"

"A- _yup_ ," The man grunted nonchalantly in confirmation, though drops of sweat ran down his forehead in rivets. "I am the one, the only, and the one and real Prince Chrom."

"Nonsense!" Frederick shot back. " _He_ is the imposter!"

"Nu-uh!" Cynthia stuck her tongue out at him. "Your Chrom is the imposter!"

" _Enough!"_ Raimi roared, silencing everyone as her challenging glare leapt from face to face and _dared_ them to do something. "I've had enough of this childishness! Men, kill the _real_ imposter and let the prince through!"

"Thank Naga," Chrom sighed, wiping his forehead. "I feared we were going to have to do battl-..."

He watched in horror as Cynthia and the Chrom-poster were escorted through the gates by the Feroxi Guard. He felt his hands clench into fists as Cynthia stuck her tongue out at him, before they both disappeared into the icy terrain of Regna Ferox.

"... You must be joking." He sighed to himself, watching as the javelins screamed through the air towards him.

 **I**

 **U#3X47T5**

"I'm the real Prince Chrom!" A particularly chubby impersonation claimed, waving around the wooden incarnation of the Falchion as though to lend his claims validity.

"No," A woman in a blue wig spun on him, her own fake-Falchion colliding with his face and knocking his glasses into the snow. " _I_ am the real Chrom!"

The actual Prince Chrom could only watch in shame as numerous poorly done cosplays of himself duked it out with their wooden swords, bludgeoning one another to death as they shouted their claims.

"Well Chrom," Robin placed a comforting hand on the prince's shoulder. "At least you're popular. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, you know."

"Milord?!" Frederick shouted in the distance, his features pained as he looked from sham to sham. "Milord, where are you?!"

 **I**

 **U#4WKW4RD**

"Stop right there, blue!" The woman ordered from the wall, slamming the butt of her spear down on the battlement with a crack. "Move another step, and you'll put on fifty pounds in javelines!"

Naturally, Chrom froze on the spot, his blood freezing in his veins as his eyes stared up at the soldiers on the wall. Each, true to her threat, held a javelin over their shoulders, cocked and ready to be thrown.

At him.

"Not moving…" He said, doing his best not to move his mouth. "I'm not moving…"

"Good boy," She laughed, surveying the rest of the group with hard eyes. Slowly, from Stahl to Lissa, her eyes finally stopped moving at Frederick.

"Why, hello there, handsome," She called out to him, giving a small wave and a smile. "How are you?"

" _Urgh…"_ Frederick visibly flinched at the pur, taking a step backwards. "Pardon?"

"No, no," She waved his choked question off, stepping closer to the edge of the wall and laughing. "Pardon _me._ I haven't introduced myself. The name's Raimi. What's a big boy like you doing so deep into the woods?"

"Excuse me?" Frederick tried again, a drop of sweat running from his brow. "I don't quite see how such a-"

"Shhh…" Raimi hushed him quickly, placing a finger to her lips. After he was good and silent, she gave a beckoning finger to him. "No words… just come."

"Milord," Frederick said, beet red as he took another step backwards. "Forgive me, but retreat is my only recourse!"

"Frederick, wait!" Chrom raised a hand out to reach after the fleeing knight.

"Yes, Frederick," Raimi said, her cougar-purr heard even by those far below the wall. " _Wait."_

"Nevermind, Frederick, run faster!"

 **I**

 **U#B35513!**

"Urgh," Chrom grunted each syllable carefully, as to not mess up his line while his hand found rest on the pommel of the Falchion at his side. "Emmeryn won't like this at all..." He raised his arms up in surrender, his voice straining to be heard as the spearmen above prepared to hurl their javelins at him. "Please, good lady! If you'd just listen-"

"I've heard quite enough from both you and the handsome hunk over there!" She jerked her head in Frederick's direction, shooting a sultry smile towards him before a glare at the prince. " _Attack!"_

Suddenly, Chrom's entire life flashed before his eyes as numerous spears were flung in his direction from the wall, each tipped with silver and death. Throwing his cape up in a last ditch effort to protect himself, he prepared to die horribly.

" _Mooooo!"_

He hesitated at the sound before abruptly his feet were knocked out from under him and something made itself known beneath his rear end.

Opening his eyes slowly, he found himself riding on the head of Bessie the Cow, Sumia piloting the beast with great precision from the reins. The Cow-Rider gave him a shaky smile and a salute as they rode through the snow.

" _Yes!"_ Robin shouted after the two, doing a fist pump. "I _told_ you!"

 **I**

 **U#4RMY_0F_0N3**

Marth waited patiently, her hand grasping the comforting grip of the Parallel Falchion as she did her best to tune out the cheers of the crowds that surrounded them. Above, she could see Basilio whispering something to Lon'qu as they too looked for her opponents.

Each passing second put the Princess in Disguise further at unease, and soon even her patience began to wilt as her father and his men did not appear. She had been curious as to the capabilities of his new tactician - he was an unknown to her, and this wasn't something she was fond of - but each moment that went by went a ways in assuring her that he had something up his sleeve. Fifteen minutes in, she was all but on her tippy toes as she leaned in, staring at the gate that would rise to reveal the warriors she and her new men would be battling.

Suddenly, she rocked back on her heels as a horn was blown, the long note bouncing off of the colosseum walls and echoing throughout the arena. Not long after, the grinding of rusted chains and old metals followed the instrument, and the door on the other side of the arena began to rise at a slow pace.

"Oh…" She felt her heart skip a beat as she saw the enemy, causing fear to send shivers down her spine as the single warrior her army was to battle stepped out into the arena. "No…"

His armor had been removed completely, swapped out for a pair of rough trousers, and his bare chest gleamed as though he had just escaped from dying in a furnace, but as he hoisted a primitive spear, there was no doubts as to who her opponent would be.

The crowd was silent as he swept his well kept brown hair out of his eyes, the light shining off of his face halted by the black war-paint that had been applied to them. After a brief second, the barefoot warrior cleared his throat.

" _I_ will be your opponent," The new Frederick said, twirling his spear and motioning for her soldiers to come at him. "And in the name of House Ylisse and milord Chrom himself, I will destroy you all!"

"Damn…" She muttered to herself, already knowing how the battle would end. "That tactician is _good…_ "

 **I**

 **Some were better than others. Ah well. I had fun.**

 **-Veymorak**


End file.
